COAST HUMOR

You know you're living on the Gulf Coast when . . .


You have more than twenty C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.

You flinch when you are introduced to a person named Dennis or Ivan.

You find yourself dropping words like "millibar" and "convection" into everyday conversation.

Your pantry contains more than 10 cans of Beanie Weenies and 5 boxes of Pop Tarts.

Making coffee on your propane grill does not seem like an odd thing to do.

You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood hurricane shutters.

You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot and Lowe's.

You are delighted to pay $2.75 for a gallon of gas.

The street leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.

You catch a mullet in your driveway.

You decide that your patio furniture looks better at the bottom of the pool.

You own more than three large coolers.

You can wish that the hurricane move sharply to the left and not feel the least bit guilty.

Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.

You have the number for FEMA on your speed dialer.

You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.

At neighborhood cookouts, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.

You have had Beanie Weenies more than 5 days in a row.

You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel.

Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.

Ice is a valid topic of conversation.

Relocating to North Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.

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